Moments in My Life
by Megan Faye
Summary: This is for my friends. I don't know if I'm posting in the correct place.


Title: Moments in my Life

Rated: PG

Author: Megan Faye

Disclaimer: I don't own Rent.

A/N: These are moments in their life. They are short, sweet, happy, sad, just life.

****

There is no future. There is no past. Thank God this moment is not the last.

- RENT 'No Day but Today'

She rescued me. It sounds like I'm kidding, and on some level near the surface, there is sarcasm. However, I was in a job I wasn't going to do well in for long. I was stressed out, angry, and working in a daycare. You can't be angry working with a group on 1-year-old babies.

"If its the last thing I do in Washington, its rescue you, Megan."

She got me a nanny position, then a year later, made me their nanny. She brought me back a few months after I left. She drove 30 minutes with a very tired, very hungry, very loud baby crying in her van to pick me up because I called. All she knew was that my husband and I had a fight and I was stuck in an area unsafe.

She made me feel safe.

_ _

Will I lose my dignaty, Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

- RENT 'No Day but Today'

I never let them see me cry. I shed a few public tears, but they haven't seen me really cry.

"Have you said you goodbyes?" he asked softly. I nodded as the boy ran past me again and followed the other kids up the stairs. That's when it hit me. He was hurting as much as I was. They both were.

****

There's only now. There's only here. Give in to love, or live in fear

- RENT 'No Day but Today'

He offered to let me go with out a hug. Lou knows I'm not cuddly. I can't let go of them yet. I want to tell him so many things.

"You're like a brother to me."

"You're my family, and I love all of you with all my heart."

"I hate good bye. I'll see you later sounds better."

"Ten weeks until you come home."

"Take me with you."

"You aren't getting out of a hug that easily...like you'd try. You love hugs."

All of that remains unsaid. I say something unimportant and I don't even remember exactly what it was. I give him a hug and a firm hand shake. He cracks a joke. I want to hug him again and thank him for lightening the mood.

And then I hugged her.

"You're my best friend."

"Sometimes you're my only friend."

"Come home soon, please, for the love of all that is holy."

"I love you, my friend."

"Thank you."

"Rescue me again and bring me with you."

"Oh, please don't cry!"

"I hate to see you cry. It hurts."

Again, things unsaid. I can't string two words together at this point and I walked away. I muttered something again and went inside and cried. No one sees me cry. I couldn't let you see me cry.

** **

No other Life. No Other Way. No day but TODAY!

- RENT 'No Day but Today'

"Its a train book!" he said, showing me a book. I take it from him and pay. He doesn't even need to ask me to read it and I'm scanning the credit card. His parents are going to laugh at me a little.

"Do you want hot chocolate or cinnimon milk?"

"Hot Chocolate!" He said jumping. I can't believe he'll be three years old next week. He's just too damned cute! I order and read the book while we wait. I love this child. I can't word this without tripping over my words. I feel like more than a nanny to him. I feel like he could call me Aunt Megan and it would fit with how close I am to his parents and his brother. I decided long ago, my children would call them Aunt Kathy and Uncle Lou.

"Hey Kathy! He slept in today." I told her as she loaded him into the car. I told her of his attempt to sleep in, the bus ride, and his Funny of the Day. "Where's My iPod?" he asked when he woke up on the bus in this morning.

Today may be my last day with them. I might swing time tomorrow, but I don't knwo.

I will remember every moment I can from today. It may be our last for a long time. Today is Our day.

****

There's only us. There's only This. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

- RENT 'No Day but Today'

I don't regret getting so close to them. I should. Its been just over a week, and there have been more e mails, more phone calls, more talking in IM's with them than I have with my own family in the last year.

My friend is still pissed that I put them first the last week with them. She doesn't get it. She'll never understand that with a time limit, I'm going to focus on them. If there had been no time limit, if I had them here in town for a while longer, I'd have spent more time with her.

If I could undo this last few years where they worked their way into my life and into my heart, I don't know what I would do. Should I take away all the fun and all the wonderful times so I would never have to feel the pain I've felt this last month? Or does two and a half years of friendship make it worth it?

If I take away the pain that has invaded my life since they dropped the bomb on me, then I would lose the four best friends I've ever had.

I don't regret becoming so close to this family. They are my family.

We can never take it back, all that was said, all that was done; the good or the bad.

After that last week, I know where I belong. _I know who my friends are_.

And they are in California.


End file.
